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Bad Habits #11 – Short-Term Bro Anorexia

I’ve been living healthy for just over two years. I’m down sixty pounds and holding at the low to mid 190 pound range. It would be lower, but as I’ve mentioned before (on two separate occasions, really), I’ve added weightlifting to the regimen. So instead of losing fat, I now replace it with muscle which strengthens my arms, legs, mental well being, and vanity.

But there’s one thing I see on the Internet and on Twitter and other bits of the online Health-o-sphere (A word that only I ever use.  And should probably stop using) that I have not tried.  And probably won’t.  It’s a method that one could call the diet of the Middle Ages or the Great Depression.  Because there’s a lot of hunger involved.  And that is…intermittent fasting.

Every now and then I’ll see some Keto-bro dare his Twitter followers to go on a fast with him, aiming for some ungodly number of hours, frequently in excess of a day or two.  I’ve also noticed that this happens one day after the same bro posted a lurid food porn pic of the 32 ounce porterhouse he had for dinner.  Perhaps there’s a connection.

I fail to see the necessity.  It’s not like these guys are Cuban prisoners going on hunger strike to protest their treatment. The only oppression these guys might have is the indigestion that oversized porterhouse gave them.  Personally, I have no interest in doing on purpose what the Ethiopians did by accident during the eighties.  Okay, it wasn’t really an accident.  It appears to be one of the normal famines that occur in the wake of socialist/communist revolutions of the 20th century.  But the main point is, I don’t feel like going hungry on purpose.

I have another reason to avoid being hungry: My extensive use of (read: total addiction to) of the Blessed Brown Water of Life. Any good coffee addict knows that consumption of large quantities of coffee on an empty stomach can result in the shakes. This is apparently the substance overloading your nervous system or something. I tried to read up on the medical stuff, but got bored. I don’t feel any urge to translate all of that medicalese. To paraphrase the late, great DeForest Kelley, “Damn it, Jim, I’m an accountant, not a doctor.”.

Anyway, the only real cure to the shakes is to chow down on stuff until it goes away.  In other words, the opposite of fasting. And completely eschewing coffee is anathema to any office worker.  One needs a pick me up when one’s job is dull.  So fasting and work efficiency are at cross purposes for me.

Another problem for me is that I suffer from hanger.  Many of you are familiar with this.  Hunger from not eating leads to rage so intense it’s a wonder I don’t get large and turn green.  Although I was never exposed to heavy gamma radiation, so maybe that’s why I’ve never hulked out.  Anyway, this level of rage can make me insufferable.  As my wife has reminded frequently and at great length.

And then there’s the risk of hungry or hangry grocery store visits.  Anyone who has done their own shopping knows what this is.  Satiated individuals carefully selected from the produce and meat section, and maybe a bit of dairy.  Hungry or hangry grocery shoppers clean out the potato chip aisle and the ice cream and then rush home to feed their faces.

And I discovered that this isn’t just my perception.  A quick perusal of various health related sites shows that the downside of fasting is possible irritability and possible binge eating.  And also fatigue, which I don’t need.  The public accounting work I do during the day is enough to put anyone to sleep.  Adding fatigue to that could be disastrous.

I really try to avoid hunger. I understand the rationale behind fasting when one overdoes things, like outsized porterhouses, but it’s possible to stay slim without going that far. If I notice that I went a bit overboard early in a day, I may just have a light meal or snack to avoid exceeding the calorie limit. Such as a potato. Even if I top it with bacon, it’s still fairly light. Or I could have fruits. I’ve noted before that these are good for curbing appetite. But even if I occasionally have a day or two where I go over the calorie limit, it’s not the end of the world. It’s better than going hungry.

Fasting is perplexing to me.  I mean, I suppose it’s one thing to fast if you’re a monk trying to achieve enlightenment.  But bros doing it on a dare is unnecessary.  And a little weird.  But I try not to judge too hard.  If it works for you, knock yourself out.  Actually, poor choice of words.  If at any time you feel woozy, stop fasting immediately.  But apart from that, go ahead and fast a little.  

But I never will.  I’ll never succumb to the strange dares posed by fasters online.  I’ll just hope and pray it works for them.  And remain thankful that they’re choosing short-term bro anorexia and not short-term bro bulimia.  That would be a travesty that produces bros with teeth so rotten they look like meth heads.  And also possibly kill them.

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Published by drilldowndiet

Formerly obese CPA/health humorist using Cronometer and FitBod to lose weight. Sharing assorted life hacks to squeeze nutrition and exercise into a busy schedule. Also on Twitter at @drilldowndiet and Facebook.

6 thoughts on “Bad Habits #11 – Short-Term Bro Anorexia

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